Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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