would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i drank out of a bidet.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
