I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
