I think I died a long time ago.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
