guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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