I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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