worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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