she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
