i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
please come you make the beer taste better
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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