i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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