my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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