Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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