Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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