It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
