I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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