Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
