Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
