I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
