don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
where are you?
Hypothermia
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
