ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
