dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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