At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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