he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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