I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
