Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i drank out of a bidet.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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