One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
