we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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