so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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