I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
