you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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