She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
