After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
