I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
