My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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