omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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