After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
