who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
