And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
