Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
