I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
