i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
