At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
