Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
