sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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