Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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