Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
