He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
