New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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