textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
