so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
