i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he fucked my hip out of place.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
