I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
