her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
