her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
