i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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