Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
