His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i drank out of a bidet.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
