So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
