Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
