I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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